The Parenting Style That Will Make You an Effective Parent

Over the last decade, you’ve probably heard of a slew of parenting styles: Helicopter Parent (hovering), the Tiger Mom (demanding of high achievement), the Jellyfish Parent (highly permissive), the Snowplow Parent (over-involved), the Beige Mom (looking to promote calm), and more. But the parenting trends never stop. New ones making news include AI-Enabled Parents (who use AI to help with parenting duties) and Split-Shift Parents (who divide childcare duties into time periods). But despite the headlines and interest, trends don’t last. They are designed to be temporary. 

Forget latching on to a parenting strategy that is making headlines in your favorite publication in hopes of staying relevant or out of fear that you’ll miss out on the next big thing. Instead, consider a parenting style that is tried and tested and that we know works, generation after generation. 

Pick This Parenting Style 

The parenting style you choose matters. So, try “Lighthouse Parenting” when choosing an approach in which to invest your time and effort. The term was coined by CPTC founder Dr. Ken Ginsburg more than a decade ago to help parents better understand the concept of authoritative, or “balanced,” parenting. 

The Benefits of Lighthouse Parenting 

Authoritative or “lighthouse” parenting is the most effective parenting style. It’s a parenting style that combines warmth, love, and communication with structure and boundaries. Children brought up with lighthouse parents tend to do better in school, use drugs less, be more emotionally stable, have better self-esteem and less anxiety, and more. Critically, children raised by Lighthouse parents have the strongest relationships with them and that relationship has effects for decades to come.

Be a Lighthouse Parent

Envision Dr. Ginsburg’s lighthouse metaphor when you act as a lighthouse parent. You are “a stable force on the shoreline that your child can measure themselves against. You will send your signals in ways your child will choose to trust. You look down at the rocks and make sure they do not crash against them. You look into the waves and trust they will eventually learn to ride them on their own. But you will prepare them to do so. You will remain a source of light they can seek whenever they need a safe and secure return.” 

Do you feel it? You are a loving, trusted guide. Committed to safety, not controlling. Instead, you prepare your child to do things for themself, you do not do it all for them. Lighthouse parents don’t have to give children everything they want. Instead, it’s about working together to honor the needs of both you and your children without sacrificing either. 

You Have Plenty of Skills to Model and Offer

Being a parent is challenging. And unfortunately, there’s no parenting “roadmap to perfection.” Take a look at what you’re already doing right as a parent. Then know that you can offer your child structure by establishing boundaries and allowing them to experience the consequences of their mistakes. Model strong two-way communication with them. Look for ways to let your teen express their independence and individuality. When making decisions, rules, or boundaries, explain the reasons behind them. All of these strategies will help your teen learn to make good choices as they develop into young adults.

Hone Your Communication Skills

Because effective communication is one of the skills at the heart of lighthouse parenting, here are three essential communication strategies to practice starting today. 

1. Listen to your teen. It’s incredibly important for your teen to know that they are being heard and that you are the one doing the listening. Listen without judgment. Let them have their say and offer advice only after they ask for it. Try to ask open-ended questions that encourage answers. Understand that you may not get all the answers you were hoping for right then and there, and be okay with that. 
2. Stay calm. This is an important skill to practice as it’s often hard to do in the heat of the moment. If your child does something that makes you worried, upset, or angry, take a deep breath and bring yourself to calm before speaking. If you can’t do that right then, step away and return when you’re able. Because if you overreact and yell at them, you risk your child shutting down the conversation completely. 
3. Show your children you love them. Expressing your love is a protective force in your child’s life. If you are setting limits, let them know they are being set out of your concern and love for them. From saying the words “I love you,” to showing pride or interest in the things important to them, there are many ways to let your young person know you love them. 

Communicating with your child is a continual process. By keeping a line of open, ongoing communication, whether things are going well or they face challenges, your child will learn the importance they hold in your relationship. They can watch you model the lighthouse parenting style and techniques that will serve them as they grow and develop. Your children will thank you for your choices … later in their lives!