How to Build Empathy – and Why Our Children Need it Now

Let’s face it, we live in a world in which it seems we become more divided every day. People are drawing lines, staying in personal “bubbles”, and distancing themselves from others who are different. But with all this “othering” comes a loss of connection within our society and a lack of empathy within ourselves. So, now is the time to build empathy skills in our children and ourselves, not let them crumble. That may take some work. 

Experts, such as psychologist Sara Konrath, have reported a decline in empathy from the late 1970s to the early 2000s. Study updates showed the levels of empathy in young people on the upswing as late as 2018. And then, other studies found levels fell again around 2020, coinciding with the COVID outbreak. That was a time when many people were isolated for long periods. With plenty of observation and studies, we know that empathy isn’t a “fixed” trait. So, we must help our children continue to build empathy, as it benefits their well-being and positively impacts their broader communities.

What is empathy? 

Empathy is generally considered to be a person’s ability to understand, imagine, or connect to someone’s feelings or attitudes. It may also include being concerned for their welfare. Sometimes people confuse empathy with sympathy. But sympathy implies feeling sorry for someone. 

Think of empathy as a superpower of sorts that can help you see things from someone else’s perspective. It is an essential communication skill that helps you relate more effectively to others who may be different from you. It allows you to “put yourself in their shoes.” 

Young children can often sense when “something is up” among family members. But their ability to read others’ emotions and feelings increases in their teenage years. Is there a situation causing you stress? Your teen may not know the behind-the-scenes details, but they’ll pick up on your stress. That same “spidey sense” allows them to try to imagine what others are dealing with and feel it too.

What you can do to help build empathy

Perhaps the best way to help your children learn to be empathetic is to show them how you model empathy towards others. You might validate others’ feelings out loud, offer words of comfort to a friend, or visit with a neighbor who needs company. There are many ways to show your child that you can empathize in everyday moments. That will help them understand the importance of empathy. 

Give words to start conversations

Maybe your child wants to offer a compassionate response to someone but isn’t sure what to say. Help them find their words by suggesting some different ways to engage in empathetic conversations. For example, “I can see you are upset,” or “It sounds like you are having a rough time,” lets them acknowledge someone’s emotions. “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “If you need help, I am here for you,” offer comfort. “I feel sad that you’ve experienced this,” lets you express sadness for someone’s experience. And“Is there anything I can do?” or “How can I best support you right now?” shows that empathy can be an action word.

Empathy takes practice 

As humans, we benefit when we help one another. Helping others reduces our stress. Yet empathy doesn’t always come easily. The brain has to work harder to recognize what may be going on with others. But empathy skills can be taught and must be practiced. Pediatrician Dr. Ken Ginsburg explains, “When you begin exercising your empathy muscles regularly, you begin to understand that just as you have helped others, you possess the skills that would allow you to help yourself when needed.” As parents and caregivers, we must remind our children to take the extra step and look deeper into others’ points of view. Encourage your child to learn to build empathy bridges with family, friends, and others in their communities. In doing so, they will make the world a more compassionate place for all.