5 Ways to Care for Yourself While Caring for a Neurodivergent Child

As a pediatrician, I have worked closely for more than twenty years with families who care for children with special needs. I have witnessed heroic parenting as caregivers sacrifice for their child’s well-being daily. I know I only glimpse a small part of their sacrifice and don’t see all the planning that goes into attending medical appointments, therapies, school meetings, and battling insurance companies. You do so much for others. But often, I wonder if you are doing enough for yourself. You are a hero. But even heroes need rest.

To all of you remarkable caregivers, I wish to prescribe self-care. You need to recharge. For heroic parents who care daily for any child, but in particular a neurodivergent child, self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a vital necessity. I implore you to care for yourself because here is a crucial and brutal truth. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Retaining time to recharge for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s an act of love that ultimately benefits you and your child. After reading this article, I hope you will become as upset about missing “me time” as you are about missing a crucial doctor’s appointment for your child. 

Only recently have we learned more about the devastating effects of burnout. This new insight has me wondering…are we doing enough to prevent caregiver burnout?   

The best advice I received that applies to all is to start small and find what truly rejuvenates you. Too often, I meet parents, especially of neurodivergent children, who have given every ounce of energy, time, and emotion to their child(ren) and are left with nothing for themselves. I remind them their health matters, too. I often get a look of surprise when I ask the parent sincerely, “How are you doing?” as they forget how much their own well-being matters.

 Once, I asked Amy*, a young mom of an amazing 8-year-old named Wyatt* with autism and ADHD, how she coordinated therapies, special meal plans, created social stories, anticipated meltdowns, and more, all while working part-time and advancing her education. When I asked how she was doing, her eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t because of her son’s challenges, but rather Amy felt trapped. She was in tune with her struggles but didn’t know what to do. Her exhaustion prevented her from even imagining what investing in herself looked like . For Amy and so many others like her, here are some items to consider, which I hope won’t feel like “just another thing” you need to add to your already full plate.    

5 Practical Ways for Parents to Practice Self-Care

1. Give yourself permission to “take five.” You are not selfish for resting—you are wise. Rest benefits both your physical and mental health by letting your body and brain recharge and repair. 
2. Schedule short, regular breaks. Even a few minutes of quiet time with a cup of tea or your favorite song can renew your energy. Mindfulness, breathing, or visualization can provide a mini-break and help you manage stress. 
3. Delegate/Outsource when possible. It takes a village! Ask for and accept help from friends, family, or respite care programs.  
4. Stay connected. Join a support group, online or in person. You are not alone. Your connections may offer solutions to some of your challenges. 
5. Celebrate your wins and seek happiness. Recognize YOUR effort, growth, and resilience. Find joy in life’s good times and recognize your strength and the power of drawing closer to others in hard times.  

The journey with a neurodivergent child is a roller coaster. It has moments of beautiful intensity as well as depths of frustration. You don’t have to choose between your child’s well-being and your own. They are deeply intertwined.

Lastly, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, or burnout, talking to a professional therapist or counselor can provide the necessary tools and support. A parent who prioritizes self-care and seeks personal wellness offers more presence to their child, a clearer perspective, and a deeper love for life.

*Names have been changed for privacy purposes 

This article was written by Dr. Eric Flake. Eric Flake is a developmental behavioral pediatrician that celebrates neurodivergence. For over 20 years he has worked to help military families get the necessary support and education to help their children.