How To Manage Feelings of Failure

My grades were always something I was proud of. I never struggled with academics until my first year of high school. I started feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work I had, especially in my math class. I tried my hardest and finished the class with a C. Seeing that grade made me panic. Did this mean I wasn’t smart? Did I not work hard enough? How was I going to tell my parents? All of these questions weighed on me. At first, it felt like the end of the world. That little letter made me feel like a failure. But I realized that I wasn’t. Here’s how. 

How to Successfully Experience Failure

Experiencing failure can fuel negative emotions and thoughts, which can be difficult at first. However, it can also set the stage for positive change, leading to future success. There are several ways to manage feelings of failure that can turn them into a moment of growth instead of defeat.  

• Adopt a growth mindset. This means instead of thinking, “I can’t do it,” think, “I can’t do it yet.” It would have been easy for me to assume, “I’m just bad at math,” but I learned to realize, “I can be better at math if I continue to work hard at it.” 
• Reflect on your strengths. Ask yourself, “What are you already good at?” Identifying your strengths is key for celebrating yourself and planning how to achieve your goals. 
• Manage your expectations. Think about what is achievable for you. While holding yourself to high standards can be good, unrealistic goals aren’t helpful. Nobody is good at everything. 
• Define success. Put less weight on letter grades and other external measures of your success. Take a step back and think about what success looks like for you. How can you feel like the best version of yourself?
• Set your own goals. Create a list of what you want to achieve and consider how you’ll achieve it. 
  

Talk With Your Family

Alongside dealing with my feelings of failure, I had to talk with my family. This was the hardest part for me. Not only did I feel like I failed myself, I also felt I failed to meet their expectations of me. Despite being hesitant to talk to my family, it helped to include them in my process of dealing with my feelings. Sharing your feelings and emotions can lead to a better ability to cope. Here are some things to try when speaking with your parents or other trusted adults.

• Be honest about your feelings. Navigating failure can bring up negative emotions, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Talking about how a setback made you feel can help you accept those feelings and move forward.

• Share your goals with them. Explain the goals and expectations that you have made for yourself and why they’re important to you. 
• Ask for their support. Involve your loved ones in achieving your goals. How can they help you? 

At that moment, getting a C felt like the end of the world. Looking back, it seems like such a minor blip in my life. I’m grateful to have experienced those feelings of failure. I learned more about myself, my goals, and what matters most. 

This article was written by Tália Rangel, a member of our Youth Advisory Board.