How Current Challenges Can Lead to Lifelong Strengths for Children With Chronic Illness

As a pediatrician who has served thousands of children and adolescents with chronic diseases over nearly four decades of practice, I can tell you that young people who must navigate health issues often become some of the most incredible adults. It is not the disease itself that creates a spectacular human. It is the life lessons our children learn because they must deal with realities that many of their peers do not.

Gain Life Lessons Through Challenges

I am not suggesting we should create challenges for our children’s benefit. It is just that life is full of them. My goal is for parents to move beyond merely seeing the silver lining in challenges and to increase the chances that our children thrive despite – and sometimes because of – the hardships they face. We grow from each of our experiences and can sometimes turn out stronger, wiser, and more compassionate precisely because of the challenges we navigate.  

Children who experience a chronic illness gain many critical life lessons. As a parent, you needn’t find the perfect words to ensure these lessons take hold. The natural consequences of managing their chronic condition will offer the lessons. Your role is to be present and help your child know they are not going through this alone.  Being mindful of the supports your child is experiencing, and the strengths they are developing allows you to amplify their growth by occasionally letting them know that what you are noticing makes you proud. 

Turn Lessons Into Actions 

Children with chronic illness (and their families!!) are positioned to incorporate some of these seven vital lessons into how they approach their lives and interact with others: 

1. Family matters. It is a normal part of development for children to push their parents away during adolescence. Children with chronic diseases also have the need to seek independence but are simultaneously learning that family can be our very best supporters and advocates.
2. None of us get through life entirely independently. Our ultimate goal is interdependence, to have a sense of belonging within a family and community. In our journey towards interdependence, we should learn that sometimes relying on others does not make us weak. It can be an act of strength. Children with chronic diseases learn the importance of gaining independence while being supported by others at the same time.
3. Health matters. Think of how many elders share with young people the importance of making every day count. Often, they learn to take this approach to life after a health scare. Children and adolescents with chronic diseases can learn this invaluable lesson early in their lives and gain a greater appreciation of life.
4. All people deserve empathy. It is easy to go through life without understanding that everyone is going through something. This lack of understanding allows us to remain self-centered and focused only on what we are experiencing. Young people experiencing chronic illness learn firsthand that there are often things going on in their lives that might not be clear to others. This can increase the likelihood that they, in turn, will have compassion and empathy for others.
5. Many of the simple things in life are blessings. Having good health.  Being part of a supportive family. These are things too many people take for granted. Children and adolescents who have chronic illness do not.
6. Experiences that feel overwhelming at first can be mastered with resolve and commitment.  One of the great lessons of resilience is to break bigger problems into smaller manageable pieces. Managing a chronic illness can take a great deal of intention and effort. It often takes time for the team of health clinicians, family, and young patient to arrive at the optimal treatment plan. Young people with chronic illness learn that improvements can happen step-by-step and can build upon one another.
7. Self-advocacy is sometimes a necessity. People don’t always know what we need. This is especially true if we have special needs others don’t know about or can’t relate to. Even health providers don’t know what to offer their patients if they are not told what to be concerned about. Young people with chronic diseases learn to speak up for themselves. They will benefit from having a clearer voice throughout their lifetimes. 

Don’t Let Chronic Conditions Define Your Child

It is hard to witness your child experiencing discomfort associated with chronic illness or to see it interfering with them doing what other young people take for granted. Your child’s chronic condition does not define them, but it does affect them. Stand by them in their journey. Honor their growing independence. Celebrate the skills they develop. Rest assured that they are growing and developing into people prepared to manage many of life’s complexities and better positioned to savor life’s many pleasures.

Research reported in this publication was supported by the National Institute of Nursing Research of the National Institutes of Health under Award Number R01NR020005. The content is solely the responsibility of the authors and does not necessarily represent the official views of the National Institutes of Health.