How to Support Strong Identity Development in Teens With Chronic Health Conditions

Adolescence is when we humans develop our sense of identity.  We begin to answer three questions at the foundation of how we view ourselves: “Who am I”; “Am I normal?”; and “How do I fit in?” Navigating a chronic disease can interfere with healthy identity development if the disease becomes core to a young person’s identity or makes them believe that they can’t fit in like other “normal” people. However, having a chronic health condition offers an opportunity for a young person to build a strong and confident self-identity.

Help Your Child Develop a Strong Identity

You play a critical role in helping your child form a healthy identity.  First, you can tip the scales, as best you can, to help your child’s emerging identity benefit from navigating a chronic disease while limiting its negative impact. Second, you can help shape your child’s identity by ensuring they have multiple positive inputs into their identity development. Even though managing the chronic condition may feel front and center in their lives, this can establish that their illness does not define them.

Three Tips to Support Healthy Identity Development in Your Child

1. Support your child to build a confident self-identity by having them manage aspects of their chronic disease they can handle. Preparation is the very best protection. Your child will ultimately learn to manage their condition independently. Doing so a step at a time while under your watchful eye is a great way of getting there. Keep them safe, but also let them learn and grow from their mistakes. Partner with them in decision-making so they can continue to build their skills and take on increasing responsibility as they prove themselves ready. In time, they will see themselves managing more than they initially thought they could. This builds confidence and pride.
2. Encourage your child to build a strong self-identity by taking pride in their resilience.  We all wish our children had easy journeys through life. But when life presents challenges, such as living with a chronic illness, we can build strength in all aspects of our lives by developing the skills to manage adversity. Do not minimize the challenges your child must address. If you sugarcoat their reality or suggest “you’ll be stronger for it” they will not as readily trust your genuine feedback. Instead, underscore the specific strengths they are demonstrating. For example, notice how they manage the stressors and discomfort associated with their health challenges. Or comment on how they maintain their sense of humor even as they are going through so much.  You’ll likely also see their compassion and empathy for others growing as they better understand others might also be going through something. Your goal is for them not just to see their condition as a burden (which it is!) but also as a way they can demonstrate their strength, build their confidence, and master resilience-building skills. The greatest resilience skill is relying on human connection. Through your loving and guiding presence, they will learn that relying on others for support is the best way to build our own power.
3. Celebrate and build multiple positive sources of identity development. Their health condition is a part of their identity, and we hope it will contribute to a strong and confident self-identity. However, it must not be the only input forming the core of their identity. Preventing it from taking a leading role in identity development may require an intentional effort. After all, illness management might be taking up a lot of bandwidth in both of your lives and interfering with your child’s focus in other areas. This makes it that much more important to notice and amplify other things about your child. Are they a scholar, athlete, or artist? Kind? Compassionate? Generous? Tenacious? Motivated? How do they contribute to your family? You also can focus on other positive inputs that form a human identity. What is the community they come from? Their faith? Their culture? Their heritage? How might they contribute to the world and leave a legacy for future generations?

Nobody wants their child to have to manage a chronic health condition or to suffer from its effects. You can’t change the fact that your child is living with a chronic health condition. But, you can help them maintain a healthy identity despite it and perhaps even because of it.  

Research reported in this publication was supported by the National Institute of Nursing Research of the National Institutes of Health under Award Number R01NR020005. The content is solely the responsibility of the authors and does not necessarily represent the official views of the National Institutes of Health.