How to Support Teens’ Racial and Ethnic Identity Development

Deborah Rivas-Drake, Ph.D., knows the kind of impact family, schools, community, and peers can have on a teen’s racial or ethnic identity development. Rivas-Drake, a Professor of Education and Psychology at the University of Michigan, researches how supporting teens to build a strong sense of racial or ethnic identity can put them on a positive path to give back to their communities. When teens hear negative messages or experience discrimination or other exclusions based on race, national origin, ethnicity, or culture, it may negatively impact their mental health. We spoke with Dr. Rivas-Drake about ways to support teens as they develop their racial and ethnic identity and how it can help protect their mental health.  

Eden Pontz: How does it impact young people to hear negative messages or experience discrimination? 

Deborah Rivas-Drake: Kids who encounter hostile, negative, disparaging, devaluing experiences tend to experience more depression, more anxiety, and have worse quality sleep. They tend not to experience optimal physical health or optimal mental health. But even though those experiences may happen, it can make a difference when  families can instill in their kids a sense of “you are worthy, you have strengths, and you have things that make you special that are connected to your identity.” 

We really want parents to promote or support kids’ sense of positive connection to their identities in multiple ways, especially at home, because we know that can provide a buffer for them when they encounter discriminatory or negative instances. 

EP: How can parents support their children if they’ve been exposed to racial discrimination or social exclusion because of differences?

DRD: One thing that parents can do to help protect their kids from the experiences of discrimination is to talk to them before something happens. A proactive conversation about the fact that something like that might happen to them personally and directly is essential. This strategy is important because sometimes, when kids have racial discrimination experiences, and they’re not prepared, they’re taken aback by what has happened, and they may have a harder time figuring out why it happened. Some children might think they did something wrong or it’s their fault. 

Don’t avoid conversations about racism or discrimination. Don’t just leave your child to figure it out on their own. Talk about what they can do if or when something like that happens. Review what they can do in different situations if it’s in school, with peers or adults, or in a community setting like a restaurant or store.

Invite them to come back to you to talk about it anytime something like that happens. Extend that to racial bullying. Ask, “What do you do when somebody’s being bullied and it’s about their race? Or if you’re being bullied?” Work out more “in the moment” strategies with them. Also, address the emotional consequences of those experiences and help them learn to process negative emotions that are associated with them. Make it clear that the child is not to blame and that this discrimination is not their fault.

EP: What if you haven’t had the conversations, but they’ve had a negative experience?   

DRD: If you have yet to have those preliminary conversations, but something happens, and they come to you, then you must be responsive. Sometimes adolescents don’t tell you immediately. They might seem withdrawn, or you’re noticing something different, like how they behave or express themselves.

Check in with them. If you figure out that they’ve encountered discrimination, a conversation is important to validate their experience. They might have felt harm. They might be sad about what happened. They might have anger or an emotion that is difficult to place or name. 

For parents, it’s just like any other difficult topic where you want them to see you as someone they can approach without judgment and know you’ll support them. Ask what they would like to happen next. Sometimes they just want to talk about what happened. Other times they want to take action. You could craft something together that’s empowering to the young person even if you don’t send it. It’s something where you can at least validate what happened or the feelings around the incident.

EP: How can supporting your teen also help you as a parent or caregiver and the community overall? 

DRD: The harder layer to get to is helping yourself as a parent. And if you don’t have this understanding, you are learning together with your adolescent about how an individual instance of discrimination or racism is really part of something bigger. It is not just a one-off. It’s something we all have to navigate. We live in a world where racism is part of the fabric of society. So, learn and understand together that there are many ways that discrimination can occur. Many experiences add up to a pattern. So, what do you do about that? What are the different ways you can process and not just cope but also take action to change that reality in the long term?

Make a commitment to a longer-term conversation. Think about those issues more broadly and consider together your role in creating a world where there’s less of that — and eventually none.

EP: Why is it essential to support young people’s identity development when building positive mental health?

DRD: It’s important because it’s a developmental task. That means that all people, as they grow up, figure out something about their racial identities. We know that when kids have a clear sense of their identity and feel connected to it, it tends to support positive mental health. It reduces depression, lessens anxiety, and lessens physical symptoms like a stomach ache, for example. That is a way in which stress can show up.

And it’s associated with positive indicators of mental health. Things like self-esteem and positive self-concept, and social interaction. We want to promote and support those things to build a healthy sense of who you are, a connection with others, and a sense of agency that you are someone who can bring about the change you want to see in the world. Identity can imply some connection to a group and a sense of belonging. The need to belong is a fundamental human need and is connected to positive mental health.

EP: How can parents or caregivers support building a strong identity in their young people?

DRD: Consider having conversations with your teen and inviting them to ask questions about their identities. Be open to talking about any and all aspects of those identities with them.

Kids need a safe place to be able to ask questions. And if you, as a parent or caregiver, are not their safe place, then they will ask other people. Often, their peers may have incomplete answers for them or may be trying to do their own thing. You can work to be the primary place for them to be able to go.

If you’re in an environment where they don’t have a lot of other kids who share their racial identities to be friends with, find ways to have them connect with kids who have those shared racial identities. Identify books you know and materials that kids can engage with where they see themselves reflected.

Encourage them to gain access to information that is safe. I wouldn’t say just hop on the internet and search for anything to do with race because kids may experience online discrimination. There are plenty of negative messages around race online. However, if there are safe, informational spaces or sites, that is an important avenue for exploration. Encourage learning about the history of the country or countries that your family is connected to.

Answer questions about things that come up through the material they’re learning in school or what they’re reading. Find places where your child’s identity is reflected in a healthy and adaptive way. For example, it could be music, their choice of media, or what they’re reading. Encourage exploration.

Caregivers can mean grandparents, extended family, or extended kin — encourage a child to have access to all of those important adults in their lives. To be able to ask questions or to just have conversations about what others have lived, and what their experiences were growing up, can help positively build a child’s identity.  

More about why it’s essential to help support teens as they build their identities can be found here.  

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