How Different Parenting Styles May Affect Your Child’s Athletics

When I was younger, I experienced different parenting styles through my athletics. Some came from my parents, including my father, who coached my soccer team until the end of high school. But I was also “parented” by my college soccer coach. These styles ranged from a balanced parenting style to permissive to authoritarian. The permissive parenting style is more lenient and less strict. The authoritarian parenting style is high in rule-setting. The balanced – or Lighthouse – style means that parents and other caring adults, like coaches, act as a “stable force on the shoreline guiding their children to safety, but helping them learn to navigate rougher waters.” This style left me feeling less anxious about my athletic performance. The permissive style gave me the confidence to display leadership. While the authoritarian style sometimes disrupted my athletic performance due to stress, it also put pressure on me, which helped build discipline. Combining different styles allowed me to reap the benefits of playing sports. I grew a thick skin, dealt with adversity, was resilient, and gained mental toughness.

Why a Balanced Parenting Style is the MVP

My college coach spent most of his time using a balanced approach with my teammates and me.  It involved setting boundaries, offering structure, and showing us he cared by giving measured praise when we did well. According to Dr. Chris Renjilian, Medical Director at Lawrenceville School and Adolescent and Sports Medicine Specialist, “High levels of warmth, but also high levels of monitoring and/or structure, tends to be the style or blend that fosters the most long-term and safest participation in sports.” As I got older, I used what I learned to take a different approach to this aggressive and demanding sport. The maturity that blossomed within me allowed my approach to soccer and athletics to be more relaxed, calm, and collected. 

When I was young, I was nervous, shy, and anxious before and during any athletic competition. My coach throughout high school was usually my father. He was well-liked and thriving in the world of sports. His style was strict and intense, yielding positive results on the field. But as his son, it applied an extra layer of pressure to every decision I made on the field. He held me to high expectations. In turn, I wanted not just to perform well but also to lead my teammates. 

As I climbed the education ladder, my Dad let others coach me so I could learn from them. Most of those coaches approached coaching me in different styles – most using the lighthouse style. I enjoyed making my Dad proud and meeting his high expectations. Still, I also benefited from the supportive coaching I received from the balanced style. Overall, I saw an increase in my composure on the field and a decrease in my anxiety and nervousness.

Three Benefits of Using Balanced Parenting to Impact Athletics 

My parents’ practices helped me develop character strengths and athletic skills that benefited me in college. My college coach honed those strengths and abilities. The balanced parenting style, with equal warmth and rules, prepared me for college leadership on and off the field. It also helped impact my ability to:

• Create strong connections with family members and teammates. I learned how to communicate effectively with my teammates and coaches on a daily basis.
• Build independence. I learned how to handle adversity on my own. That made me feel more comfortable on the field, having to make decisions that could affect my play and the results for the rest of the team.  
• Learn to ask for support. Being part of a team implies that there will be times when you can’t do everything on your own. The balanced style let me know being part of a team meant I had a strong support group. They were there to help uplift me when I needed it.  

When Your Parent Is Your Coach

Being coached by my father built an indestructible bond with him. It allowed for so much constructive time together. Appropriate monitoring and discipline strategies can help keep your child/team member safe and teach important lessons. I learned discipline and persistence and built toughness from my father-coach. For parents who are coaches, it’s essential to treat every team member with respect and care, almost as if they were your child. By doing that and using a balanced style, it’s a winning combination. 

When Your Coach Uses Parenting Methods

Letting someone else teach and coach me allowed me to see multiple perspectives of authority and structure. The father-son pressure that I’d previously felt vanished. I could play feeling more relaxed and focus on my performance during the game rather than letting my mind drift to concerns off the field. I still experienced varied “parenting” styles at once. One “parent” was on the field with me, and the other was cheering his head off in the stands!

Confidence stemming from leadership roles

I was a four-year soccer captain at my undergraduate institution, and it was indeed the most significant part of my development. It positively affected my brain development, thinking process, and confidence. From the leadership position my coach gave me, I learned how to lead and offer my teammates some of those same support styles. For me, every coach I’ve ever had felt like a parent, meaning that they motivated me through different coaching/parenting styles.

3 Tips to Help Build Your Child’s Athleticism

After all I learned from my parents and coaches, I would like to pass along some of what I would have wanted to teach them in return as they were parenting me. Parents should focus on encouragement. Dr. Renjilian suggests parents’ first two questions should be, “How much fun have you had today?” and “How much did you learn today?” when the child finishes the game. It is so important to motivate and build confidence for children through words, praise, and the process (what worked, what didn’t, and how they grew) rather than the result (who won). Even when the performance isn’t great, hearing words of encouragement and helping them focus on what they can learn from the game can ensure it is still fun. In brief:

1. Listen and ask about your child’s needs.  
2. Allow your child to develop in their own time.
3. Encourage practice, but don’t forget the fun children should experience through sports.

Ultimately, the dedicated support and mentorship my parents showed me led to my athletic success and longevity. I remind parents to always try their best to support their children’s passions and habits because it goes a long way.

This article was written by Nicholas Sinni, a Graduate student at La Salle University studying Public Health.