Build Resilience Through Belonging: 5 Lessons from Appalachia

There is a secret power in community and connectedness: resilience. In interviews with Appalachian families, researchers created community maps and family trees with participants to better understand the families and how they interacted with extended family and their community. Researchers then asked them a series of questions about their relationships and how they helped their children build identities to learn how Appalachian families raised their teens. Appalachian parents and their communities identified 5 key strategies for raising their teenagers that help them become respectful, responsible, confident, and resilient people. 

Lesson 1: Building Community Involvement

This is the heart of the phrase “it takes a village.” Raising confident and resilient teens is not the job of parents alone. Instead, extended family members, teachers, neighbors, coaches, and religious leaders all play a part in guiding young people toward adulthood.

To increase community involvement in your teen’s life, you can build their community by identifying trusted adults in their life. Invite them to take a role in your child’s life as a mentor or someone who regularly attends events, gives rides to and from activities, etc. Also, encourage your teen to build relationships with mentors and family friends. When teens know there are many adults looking out for them, they feel safer, more supported, and more confident in their choices.

Lesson 2: Ensuring Teens Feel Supported

Teens feel important and valued when the adults in their lives show up for them. Appalachian families prioritize spending time together, whether that means talking regularly, sharing meals, attending sports events, or shopping. This involvement is for all adults in the child’s life, not just those within the household.

Ensure adult support and involvement by telling family members, mentors, and family friends that they can schedule a shared activity with your teens. For example, maybe they can go on a hike every Sunday. Attend the teen’s events, whether sporting events or musical performances; be sure to invite other adults in the child’s life to join. Lastly, use small moments, like car rides and meals, as a time to talk and connect with one another.

Lesson 3: Learning How to Monitor Teens

Monitoring does not mean controlling a teen’s actions or watching their every move. It’s about safety and security that encourages trust between teens and adults. Appalachian parents know where their teens are, who they hang out with, and what they are doing. Their teens do not see this as an invasion of privacy or a point of tension, but as a sign that their adults love and care for them.

Teen monitoring for you might look like setting clear expectations, such as when your teen needs to call and check in while out doing activities, or establishing a clear time when they are expected home. Be consistent with the rules and expectations. Build a network of adults who communicate about the importance of teens’ safety.

Lesson 4: Teaching Respect and Responsibility

Appalachian families focus on teaching respect and responsibility. It is especially important that teens learn how to show and earn respect. They learn these characteristics by watching the adults around them, doing chores, and experiencing consequences when rules are broken or expectations are not met.

You can give your teen routine chores and responsibilities, such as babysitting or cleaning the kitchen, in order to teach them respect and responsibility. Make a list or create a schedule with instructions to clarify expectations. Be a model of respect in your tone, honesty, and willingness to apologize when you’ve made a mistake. Privacy can be a sign of trust. Or when your teen shows you they handle a situation responsibly, you offer them increased freedom by re-establishing their boundaries. 

Lesson 5: Letting Your Teen Have Autonomy

While Appalachian parents place a high value on respect and responsibility, they look for a balance between their clear expectations and their teens’ need for independence. Teens are allowed to make their own choices and experience the consequences within safe bounds. This gives teens space to grow and form their own identities while still receiving guidance when needed.

When looking to give your teen autonomy, you can offer age-appropriate opportunities. Give your teen the space to experience natural consequences when it’s safe to do so. Make sure you maintain your involvement (Lesson 2) so there’s still time for open communication, and your teen feels safe coming to you. As they show more responsibility, they increase their opportunity for independence.

The Strengths of Appalachian Families

Appalachian families find strength in raising their teens within their own communities. It is not seen as a task solely for the parent or the adults in the household, but rather for all the adults who have a part in the child’s life. They all help to give the teen a strong network of support, clear expectations and guidance, and room to grow. This contradicts what news and media outlets often show about Appalachian families and communities. They are often depicted in a negative, stereotyped light. Their stories are told by those who haven’t experienced the culture, and this is not an accurate reflection of Appalachia. These narratives lead the world to believe that we can learn from their way of life because of its inaccurate portrayal. However, we can all learn from this community’s strengths and the lessons it offers about raising strong teenagers.

Through community involvement, showing up for their teens, setting boundaries, teaching respect and responsibility, and offering independence while creating a safe environment to make mistakes, they create an environment where their teens thrive. You don’t have to live in Appalachia to do this with your teen, but these small steps can help foster a sense of belonging that leads to confidence and resilience. Learning from and putting into practice the lessons Appalachian families offer can make a big difference in your teen’s life.

This article was written by Morgan Tamayo. Morgan is an army combat veteran with her B.A. in Sociology from the University of Tampa and her M.A. in Applied Sociology from the University of Alabama, Birmingham. She is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Family Sciences and Human Development from Montclair State University.